Perhaps to you it’s the self-help book. Maybe it’s your great, great grandmother’s chocolate chip cookie recipe. Or maybe it’s that tattoo you’ve been hiding.
Those would be the secrets of normal families.
It should be no surprise by now that Mama Judd (lovingly, “MJ”) and I are built a little different from the rest. To further incriminate our gene pool, today I reveal one of Mama Judd’s best-kept secrets. And her best-kept secret is about a toilet.
Mama Judd created her unique toilet-cleaning procedure when the ordinary method wasn’t cutting it. So the next time your toilet needs a deep clean, give her method a whirl! (Whirl! Bah ha ha!)
The method to her madness? She emails it over in all caps because, after all, this is serious business:
CLEANING AGENTS WORK BEST WHEN IN DIRECT CONTACT WITH THE SURFACE BEING CLEANED!!!
1. Remove the water from the bowl.
This is the step that separates Mama Judd from the rest.
Pretend your toilet brush is a plunger and pump away. With each pump you are removing the water from the bowl. With a waterless bowl, the cleaner isn’t diluted at the waterline, which is where you get that ugly ring of brown, pink grossness. Ew! How can you thoroughly clean that nasty ring if your cleaner never actually touches it?
Anticipating my complaints about anything involving physical labor, Mama Judd writes: “It will take some muscle but, hey, it’s like a workout for the arms. Switch every couple of plunges to give yourself a balanced workout.”
Notice that Mama Judd’s toilet is sparkling clean before she even cleans it. This isn’t posed – this is how things look when she thinks they’re dirty. That’s how you know her tips work!
2. Apply the cleaner.
Coat the entire bowl with your cleaner. Make sure the cleaner is directly on the surface of all of the porcelain.
3. Wait 5 minutes. No, seriously. Wait it out.
Give the cleaning agent some time to adhere to that porcelain throne. This is the whole reason you removed the water from the bowl. So don’t waste your efforts. Walk away! Clean the sink, go have a snack, or watch the results of last night’s So You Think You Can Dance episode.
Scrub, scrub, scrub. Consider it the second repetition in your arm workout.
5. Clean the outside, too.
One last secret – Pinesol is your friend. It works like a charm on the outside of the toilet and it smells so disinfected! Well, I suppose “disinfected” isn’t a scent, but it should be. (Surely Mama Judd and I aren’t the only nuts that would buy that candle.)
Now, stand back and admire your work. And keep your husband at bay for as long as possible!